


A Constellation Engages

by toucanpie



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Aliens, And Has Space Adventures with Peter Parker, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Tony Stark Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28191786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toucanpie/pseuds/toucanpie
Summary: When the aliens say it's time to get married, sometimes you just have to get married and let the rest sort itself out.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Tony Stark
Comments: 7
Kudos: 82
Collections: Ironspiders Georg Secret Stocking Stuffer Exchange 2020





	A Constellation Engages

**Author's Note:**

  * For [intoxicatelou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/intoxicatelou/gifts).



"It's just for show, right?" Peter says, looking at him tentatively. "We could annul it when we get back to Earth. I mean, it probably won't even _count_ on Earth."

He looks sad all of a sudden, no doubt at the idea of being burdened with Tony for as long as it would take to get the whole thing kiboshed.

"Well, it's a no from me," Tony says.

ALIENS MADE ME MARRY MY TEENAGE MENTEE was not the strap-line he wanted running across the TV next time he did an interview.

"You're obviously not okay with it so I'm definitely not. End of story."

Peter suddenly perks up. "I'm okay with it."

"No," Tony repeats more firmly, with a meaningful look at their alien translator. Obviously being petted by the aliens' tentacles earlier had had some strange effect on Peter. Maybe some kind of contact high or pheromone-based influence. He'll run some tests when they get a chance.

"Really, Mr Stark," Peter says, looking strangely eager.

"Look, the kid's obviously been affected by all their touchy-feely tentacle-malarky and doesn't know his own mind so -"

"Hey," Peter says loudly. "That's not - no, I want to get married."

The Guardians all go abruptly quiet and Peter flushes bright red.

"Or um, whatever you think's best," Peter says dejectedly, slumping back into his chair.

\--

The tests come up negative. Peter is completely fine, if a little fidgety when Tony insists on using a stethoscope to listen to his heart after giving up on everything else.

He also keeps blushing. Tony is unsure whether that's a spider thing or a wholly Peter thing. Maybe he'll ask later when they ditch the entourage for what now seems like their inevitable wedding night of lying very separate and still.

Tony puts the stethoscope down and looks Peter in the eye.

"This is completely insane," he says. "But if you're honestly okay with it, fine, let's get married."

\--

"Do you think they'll do a bouquet for us?" Peter says. He looks cheerful, like he's back to normal again. None of that strange behaviour from earlier where every time Tony turned around, Peter seemed to be staring hard in the other direction.

"If you want a bouquet, I'll get you a bouquet."

"Oh, I don't really mind," Peter says hurriedly. "Whatever, you know, the _aliens_ want."

After the hair petting extravaganza earlier, Tony's pretty sure he knows exactly what the aliens want from Peter. And it's not a bouquet.

"Maybe don't say that to them," he says. "Or if you do, pretend certain things are reserved for me, just to be safe."

Peter starts to go pink again. "Okay."

Actually -

"Gamora?" Tony says into his headset. Some things are better off not left to chance. "Tell the aliens only Peter's betrothed is allowed to touch him, I think we've had enough of their dexterous tendrils in his hair."

"Noted," Gamora says drily.

"Thanks, Mr Stark," Peter says, his voice sounding tight. Then he hunches his whole body forward and bustles himself into a seat, crossing his legs primly.

Probably practising his virginal spouse routine for the ceremony.

"I'll just stay here for a minute, Mr Stark. And if anyone asks I'll remember to say I'm - I'm reserved for you."

"Great." Tony waves goodbye from the door. "I'll go work on our vows. Maybe something about dishonouring and disobeying, that sound okay?"

"Sounds great."

"Unless you want to promise to obey me forever, of course, which might actually be convenient for getting you do curfews and stop overriding the safety controls on your suit."

"Okay, Mr Stark," Peter says, looking at him weirdly. "I mean - no. Definitely no. Maybe yes?"

Wow, maybe Peter did need further tests.

"You alright, kid?"

"Uh huh," Peter says. "Actually, I think I need some water. Maybe someone else could bring me some water?"

\--

The only other people around to assist are the Guardians. They help while Tony watches suspiciously from the doorway.

Quill places an unnecessarily protective hand on Peter's shoulder. "Still not convinced your little spider friend here is legal, buddy."

"Remind me again why I care about your opinion?" Tony says. 

Perhaps after the ceremony they could go a few rounds. If Quill ever took his hand off Peter, of course.

"I'm legal," Peter insists in the background. "I mean in most countries. Not counting the ones that wouldn't let us get married. Not that I've checked, I just - anyway, Space doesn't have an age of consent, right?"

"Does anyone else get the sense these sex rules of yours are kinda arbitrary?" Rocket says, gesturing at Peter. "How can he be ready in one part of your planet but not another? What happens if he has one leg in one part and another leg in a different part, can you only fuck half of him?"

"I am Groot," says Groot.

"Okay, fine. What if he was lying down and his top half was in one place but you wanted to fuck the other -"

"Okay, thanks," Tony interrupts, because Peter looks like a human tomato. "We're gonna leave that thought there."

He turns around and bumps straight into Nebula, standing ominously behind him with her arms crossed.

"I do not approve," she hisses to him, with a familiar frown. "I am not sure Peter Parker has earned the right to marry you."

Tony blinks a few times, then has to slowly adjust his watch. Because for the first time since this little debacle started, he feels very emotional.

She begrudgingly lets him bump their fists together once he's had his moment.

"Nice to know someone on Team Space-Misfits has my back," Tony says. "But look, trust me. Peter - Peter has earned the right to marry whoever he likes."

\--

The ceremony's actually pretty fun.

Tony promises to respect Peter's desire to look at colleges other than MIT. Peter promises never to work for any of his competitors.

That's followed by an elaborate bit of ribbon binding, then Tony gives Peter a chaste kiss on the forehead and gets an equally gentle one back.

Then there's a moment when they're left staring meaningfully into each other's eyes. Tony finds it surprisingly pleasant. Probably because they haven't actually hung out in awhile. Nothing to do with the fact that Peter looks almost drunk on happiness, beaming a smile that makes Tony's heart feel oddly buoyant.

He smiles back, looking forward to the idea of an evening of catching up, just the two of them again.

When they turn around, they find Mantis and Drax crying in the front row.

"The aliens are so happy," Mantis sobs. "They love you, Pony."

"We have a name squish already," Tony whispers to Peter proudly. "Let's see if we can't raise the roof a little. We are a go on the bridal carry, kiddo."

Peter is a very deep shade of pink as he wraps his arms around Tony and carefully picks him up. It's very charming.

Tony hooks a lazy arm around Peter's shoulders and then waves to the crowd as he enjoys the free ride down their make-shift aisle.

\--

The post-wedding celebrations go swimmingly. Or they do until Tony's phone starts ringing with an incoming interstellar call from the ship.

"That's Nick Fury," he tells the nearest alien as the Imperial Death March keeps playing. "Why is Nick Fury calling me on my space vacation?"

Slash diplomatic mission slash kid's first milk run slash surprise wedding, but who cares.

The alien doesn't answer him so he accepts the damn call.

"Stark," says Fury. His face is particularly emotionless, which means whatever's coming next is probably pretty bad. "Why is CNN reporting you just alien-married Spiderman?"

"Fuck," Tony says. "Fuck."

\--

"Okay, who sent Earth pictures of us in the flower crowns?"

He glares pointedly at Team Space-Misfits. Embarrassingly, it's Peter who looks guilty, cradling what Tony instantly recognises as his Stark Phone to his chest.

Tony holds out his hand imperiously and makes gimme fingers. Peter clutches it harder.

"Give me the phone or we're getting an immediate divorce."

Peter hands it over sorrowfully. "Mr Stark, I didn't realise someone would -"

"No," Tony says, scrolling up through the open group chat until he finds the offending photo.

To be fair to Peter, it was a very flattering angle for them both.

Underneath the photo, someone named MJ has commented with 'your sugar daddy is liiit' followed by three flame emojiis.

"What's this?" Tony says, holding the phone up to Peter's rapidly reddening face.

Peter makes a distressed noise and covers his eyes with his hands. "I'm so sorry, Mr Stark."

"Why would confectionery need a father?" Drax says, looking over Peter's right shoulder. "And why would this sugar parent be on fire?"

Tony ignores him.

"No more Stark Phone," he says to Peter, pocketing it. "No more pictures, no more partying. In fact, you're grounded. Because you have been a very naughty husband."

\--

As they walk out together, the aliens heads all swivel to watch them and then applause fills the room. Tendrils sway in the air like little green trees. It's very surreal and not really how Tony imagined his wedding day.

"They probably all think I'm off to deflower you."

"Oh," Peter says, stumbling and almost falling behind. "Are you? I mean are we? Uh, going to -"

Wow. 

Tony raises an eyebrow, glancing back just in time to watch Peter promptly go quiet. Which is new. Normally eyebrow raises are nothing against his talking. Maybe it's a just married thing.

He decides not to engage with that line of questioning, swinging open the door to their massive alien bridal suite instead. It's yellow. Really, really yellow.

"Look, I don't care about this MJ knowing," he says.

"Thanks, Mr Stark."

"I maybe don't even care about all of Earth."

"You don't?" Peter says, breathlessly.

"No, because what other people think, or do, or write about us in the inevitable YouTube comments isn't important."

"Okay," Peter says, looking even happier still. He really was a very adorable, if somewhat inappropriate, husband.

"But maybe, just _maybe_ , we could have picked the moment to share our joyous news, hm?"

Peter nods fervently. "I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't know it would end up on CNN. I don't even know who would send it to them. Maybe they tapped my phone or -"

Tony holds up a hand, determinedly ignoring the insult inherent in that. As if his tech was that easily hackable.

"Well, cat's out the bag now, anyway. So -"

"Do you think it's going to be bad?" Peter interrupts. "The things in the YouTube comments?"

With his lower lip between his teeth, Peter sits down on the edge of the massive yellow bed and looks up at Tony with his big imploring eyes.

"Really?" Tony sighs. He sits down next to Peter because he has a feeling he's going to need the support. "Only about me, kid. Don't worry."

Peter's face crumples. "But this is _my_ fault. I mean I basically made you - you didn't want to and I was the one that pushed you and -"

"Pete, breathe. It's fine," Tony says. He gently reaches out to squeeze Peter's nearest shoulder.

"But it's not! I forced you into marrying me, Mr Stark. And now Director Fury's angry at us and CNN knows and people are going to write angry YouTube comments and I'll probably have to go to the Raft -"

Oh boy. Tony rubs Peter's shoulder in a way he hopes is reassuring.

" - and Aunt May won't be able to visit because I'll be under the ocean - "

"Pete -"

"And they'll probably beat me up because that's what happens and I won't be able to use my powers and -"

Tony breaks the proverbial emergency glass and pulls Peter into his chest for a proper hug.

"No."

Peter makes a hiccuping sound, his hands coming up to clasp at Tony.

"I'm the worst husband ever," he says, between what sounds like gulpy tears.

"Not even close," Tony says. He gives up on mentorly distance and gently strokes the top of Peter's head until the kid's breathing starts to even out.

"Sorry," Peter says, a minute later, dabbing at a slightly damp spot on Tony's shoulder as he pulls back just enough that Tony can see his face again. "Maybe I got a bit caught up."

Tony smooths down his rumpled hair, trying not to be affected by how soft and tidy it still is, like Peter actually went to the trouble of looking nice for their alien wedding.

"We've all been there, kid."

"I won't really have to go to the Raft for making you marry me, will I?"

"That would be a pretty shitty honeymoon."

"Does the Raft even have visiting hours?"

"You're not going to the Raft."

"What if - "

"No what ifs."

"I'm so sorry," Peter says. "About the photo."

"It's a good photo."

"And about telling the group chat."

"Uh huh," Tony says, letting his fingers sift through Peter's hair in whatever pattern feels right. It's weirdly calming.

"And Aunt May."

"Oh great," Tony says, before he can stop himself.

Peter tenses, his chest hitching like he might be about to go into another spiral of panicky thoughts. 

"No that's okay, too," Tony says hurriedly. "She probably won't kill me immediately and I have security."

With a huffed little laugh, Peter relaxes again, settling his head down on Tony's shoulder and shyly touching one of Tony's hands with his. Tony lets their fingers brush, marvelling at how well-adjusted they are really, everything considered. He's rewarded by getting to watch Peter's eyes close peacefully.

"It's going to be fine, okay?" Tony says softly, just for good measure. "We got this."

Peter smiles and then slowly opens his eyes again, looking up with a soft dazed expression.

"I really don't mind if you deflower me," he murmurs.

"Uh huh," Tony says. "Maybe when you're older, okay?"

"I'm legal," Peter says earnestly, his eyelashes fluttering appealingly. "In most places."

"Great, but I'm not ready to commit to you on that level right now."

"How much older?" Peter says, laying his head back down with a dopey smile.

"Um, raincheck? I think I hear our names being called. Do you hear that? I definitely hear that."

\---

It turns out that being alien married to Peter Parker isn't exactly the worst thing in the world.

Peter does a long interview when they get back and makes it all sound like a joke. It helps the inevitable internet chatter settle down. There's a small wave of popularity for an 'aliens made me marry an avenger' hashtag that works out very much in Thor's favour. Shortly after Tony finds out he's now required to attend monthly family nights at Aunt May's.

All in all, it could be a lot worse.

He still sometimes answers the phone with 'hey hubby' when it's Peter calling, just to hear him get embarrassed. But Peter soon rises to the challenge and changes every screen name he has to Peter Parker-Stark with three hearts after it. Or maybe that's MJ, Tony's not sure, he hasn't asked.

Tony punches the first bad guy who makes a quip about marital rights before he even realises what he's doing. Peter has a weird look on his face all the way through the debrief that Tony deliberately ignores. It seems to catch on with the assorted bad guys of NYC, but Peter just gives them wedgies when they try it with him because he's a different, nicer kind of person.

When an interviewer asks Tony what it's like to nail Spiderman, the press team are very impressed he keeps his cool. They're less impressed with his 'I wouldn't know, he's the one that nails me' answer but all that happens is they trend on Twitter for a week and Peter blushes a lot.

\---

He's not expecting a knock on the door on the day of their one year anniversary. 

He'd sent Peter a card, of course. But they weren't exactly practising their relationship, so he hadn't been expecting anything back.

"What this?" Peter says, holding up the card Tony sent him, barely over the threshold.

"You don't like it?"

Peter clears his throat and then reads from the inside of the card.

"Happy husband day. By the way, I wrote you into my will. If I die, please raise the robot children like your own."

Tony shrugs. Peter would be a reasonable successor.

"What the fuck, Mr Stark?" Peter says, the words seeming to rush out of his mouth. "Why would you say that?"

"What, you want access to the bank accounts now instead?"

Peter pushes the door shut behind him with notably more force than is necessary. Tony is a little impressed at having evoked such a show of emotion with just one card.

"No! Why are you planning for your death?"

"I'm not, I'm planning for your comfortable life."

Peter's eyes just seem to get even wider.

"I don't want your money if you die!"

"Literally nobody has ever said that to me before."

Peter throws the card down onto the nearest chair with a sigh. "That's because you keep dating the wrong people."

"Look, don't believe everything you read in People, okay?"

"I don't read People. KAREN gets updates off F.R.I.D.A.Y."

"Seriously?" Tony turns away and back towards the counter where he was in the middle of making himself some much-needed coffee. "FRI, that's not what I meant when I said give Peter access to anything he asks for."

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., tell Mr Stark I'm a better prospect than that nice lady off GOT."

"Peter Parker is a better prospect than 100% of your recent partners," FRIDAY says, like the traitor she is.

Tony swings round to give Peter a very unimpressed stare.

"Is this what we've come to?" he says, pointing at the ceiling.

"Half the world already thinks we've done it."

Didn't they just. Which - okay, it wasn't like Tony hadn't absently thought about what it might be like. But that was all it had ever been - absent thought.

"Sorry, wait, are you suggesting that we consummate our alien marriage?"

Peter pauses for the first time since charging in, his face suddenly going shy.

"Maybe?"

"Peter."

"You punch every bad guy who even looks at me funny, you know that, right?"

"So? Isn't that my job?"

"That one time you thought I was on a date with someone else, you sent Happy and a car to pick me up and drive me home. Just me! Happy actually said that. It was for just me, Mr Stark's orders."

"Look, somebody had to make sure you weren't getting in over your head -"

"It was a business meeting! He was interested in my ideas."

"Your ideas, sure."

"What else would he be interested in? He was married."

Had he been? Tony didn't remember that detail ever being mentioned. Just a flurry of worried texts from Peter about things needing to be _just right_.

"Hmm, what else might he have been interested in? You sent me a picture of your outfit, remember?"

Peter at least has the grace to flush at that. It's a very similar sort of flush to the one he'd been wearing in the picture of him in a very tight pair of pants and a white shirt that looked like it desperately needed an iron but somehow was all the better for that. 

"Let's see," Tony carries on. "Because you were 'worried about dress codes' at the restaurant, which you also asked me for help picking out, by the way."

Like Tony might feasibly want to _help_ micro engineer his husband's dates with other people.

"You're just really good at that stuff," Peter says earnestly, but he looks a tiny bit guilty too. "And I wanted -"

"What? To get it just right for Mr I'm So Married?"

Peter doesn't say anything, just looks sheepishly at the floor.

"Or was that whole little setup designed to try and make me jealous?"

"No," Peter says, flushing furiously. "Okay, not the whole thing! Maybe the picture."

"Maybe the picture?" Tony repeats incredulously. "What about the text from the bathroom halfway through? 'Which dessert says eager, but not too eager?'"

"Eager for _investment_ ," Peter says, bright red. "Fine, maybe I had two glasses of champagne because I was nervous and it made me a little - "

"Hmm?"

Peter goes still, his mouth closing on whatever he'd been about to say next. There's still a flush high on his cheeks, making him look even more eager than usual. 

"I just couldn't stop thinking about it," Peter says, quietly.

Tony takes a hasty swallow. "About what?"

Peter takes a deep breath and comes a step closer.

"About how much I wanted him to be you."

Right. Tony has to take a moment before he can get his brain straight enough to reply to that. Peter Parker isn't exactly unappealing but that doesn't mean -

Flippant. He needs to go back to being flippant.

"Please, we'd go somewhere better."

"Yeah?" Peter says, his face lighting up and a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"More private." 

Dammit, he was failing at flippant because his voice was coming out croaky.

"Okay," Peter says. He's somehow managed to take some more steps forward while Tony wasn't paying attention to his feet. It leaves him close enough to reach out and place the palm of his right hand over Tony's chest.

Tony looks down at that hand and doesn't think about the little spark of electricity he feels every time they touch. Every time they argue. Every time Peter swoops down out of nowhere in the middle of a battle and starts backchatting his way around the field.

Did he want to kiss Peter Parker sometimes? Sure. Did the thought of Peter Parker going on dates with other people drive him crazy? Maybe.

Were there still reasons why they shouldn't see what option A was like? Unclear.

"If we do this, you realise I'm going to have to do more than punch anyone who looks at you sideways."

"You can put them in timeout," Peter says, inching close enough that his face is right there.

"Sure," Tony says, with no intention of doing that at all. 

"In fact, you can put _me_ in timeout. Right now."

He really is kind of irresistible up close. That's the excuse Tony's going to use when May comes knocking, demanding to know why her nephew is wearing a ring for real.

"How about all night?" Tony says, tucking a few fingers in Peter's belt just to see how it feels.

He'll need longer than that, he's sure, but it'll be a start.

\----


End file.
